What We Got

I hate hurting people. Out of every single concept I hate, hurting people is the greatest. Whether it be my hatred toward people who hurt people or my own hatred for hurting people, I hate it. Beyond belief.

But sometimes hurting people is necessary -- and I'm not talking about that "she/he deserved it" shit, that's fuckin' stupid -- no one, I don't give a shit how fuckin' terrible they treat anyone else, deserves to be hurt -- I'm talking about the times when you have to say something to help someone, but you know it's going to hurt them. I hate it. Even with the best intentions, your words are going to be taken in the worst way possible, and I hate it.

Did I mention I hate it?

I did that today. Once. The other time I was just being a sick, twisted person, which makes it even worse. I didn't need to hurt Taylor, I just did it because I was mad, and I'm sorry about that -- I'm trying to fix that; I don't want to strike out in anger anymore. Ever.

I had to hurt Logan today, though, and, unfortunately, I think that's going to be the first in a series of wounds, and I deeply regret every one I'm going to be forced to cut.

But that's life, I guess. You're gonna have to do shit you don't want to do, but you have to, and there's nothing you can do to stop it, so you might as well just roll with it and do the best you can.

Some people say "Shit happens." I don't know how I like that phrase. I guess it's true, but it's kind of pessimistic. I mean, it basically says, "Bad stuff is going to happen to you, so deal with it." I have another phrase I like to say, and I think it's a bit more optimistic:

Life happens. Sometimes life happens good; sometimes life happens bad, but life happens, and you're never gonna stop it. I figure as long as you're still kicking, you're probably winning, and the best you can ever do is hold onto what you have, whatever's important to you. Whether it's your friends, your family, or just your ideals pulling you through: whatever it is, it's probably good enough to live for, and trying to find anything else bigger or more important is just gonna end with you staring at the sky wondering.

I'd rather be happy than informed any day, and if someday some guy figures out the meaning of life when I'm sitting around, chilling with my friends in our apartment, living it up, I can go without knowing until we're done, and, hell, if the only way I can learn is if I leave my friends at that very second and listen to him explain it, I'd pass.

Because my friends are what I got, and I wouldn't give them up for anything. Not certainty of God, not the meaning of life, not endless talent, money, or women. Nothing.

And I'm not saying my friends are all I got. I got a bunch of great stuff, like my family, my ideals, my brains, my ideas, everything, and they're all what I live for.

See, the problem comes when life happens bad, and those things you love are taken away from you, but I figure when that happens you only have one option: grab onto whatever you can take with you and run like hell, and if you can't do that, and you're left with nothin', you've always got yourself and a whole slew of memories and experiences to help you find something new.

Not that that'll happen, most likely, because life's usually good enough, and even when it isn't, you can pretty much deal with it and keep what you have easily enough.

I guess this is just to everyone who's been dealing with a lot lately, because I know most of us have and probably will continue for a while at least. No matter how much we lose, we usually still have something somewhere we just haven't looked.

And if you look everywhere and still can't find shit, you can always join the circus.

I hear the touring's great this time of year.