Misunderstanding

Alright, so... it's about 11:50, I have over two hours of homework left, plus reading, and I'm procrastinating and writing the first blog I've written in over a month.

This week is show week. I've only finished one college application (so far, I plan on doing more later tonight). I'm single. I'm starting to question more and more what I want to do with my life.

I'm in a bit of turmoil.

I have no clue what's happening around me. Shit keeps flying around me everywhere, and I have no idea what's happening because I'm euphoric on lack of sleep. There have been about 200 lost loves, 400 new loves, 6,000 broken bones, 800 lost sheep, and I couldn't give a more insignificant fuck, because I have my own problems.

But people don't seem to understand that, so they drag me into their pathetic quarrels and turn me into the center of their misguided rages, and I don't react because their accusations have no basis, so they turn around and hurl even more insults and paranoia at me. Well fuck you, I'm still stuck here wondering why I can't stop seeing the fireworks going off around my head.

I'm sick of the drama and I'm sick of how that's all that matters to people recently. If you're going to start shit, leave me out of it, please. That's all I ask. And if I supposedly "did something" that (hell, I don't even know why you get angry at shit) "disrespected you" or whatthefuckever, grow up and get over it, because even if I did do what you say I did -- and I guarantee that I didn't -- it doesn't matter a tenth as much as you're making it out to.

This isn't just to one person, this is to everyone who's making drama.

Enough anger though.

On a more personal note, I think I've finally gotten over my whole "seeking a new girl" thing. That's been really bothering me lately.

If you haven't noticed, I've been sort of... out of it lately, and it's because I've been spending a lot of time looking for a girl. Not just any girl, a perfect girl. A perfect girl to smile and laugh with at our stupid friends who just cracked some sarcastic joke about some reference they made that nobody but us would undersand. A perfect girl to yawn in a movie theatre next to 'cause the movie sucks ass, but I can't help but love every moment of it because I'm sitting next to the greatest girl in not only the whole theatre, but quite possibly the entire world. A perfect girl to fight with about some stupid word I said a month ago and even though I totally know I'm right, as soon as she gives me that look immediately concede because she's been right all along. A perfect girl to wrap in my arms on the coldest nights when we're alone sitting in front of her fireplace talking about the probability of spontaneous combustion in marshmallows or whatever random thoughts came into our heads because it wouldn't matter what we were saying as long as we could hear each others voices on the other side of our touch.

Yeah, you know the one.

But I think I'm getting out of that, and by that I don't mean I'm looking less but rather, that I'm getting less absorbed in my search. I'm trying out another rule to add to my "Rules to Live by," and that is "4. Never let any one thing consume all of your attention," no matter what that thing is, good or bad.

I've also started meditating nightly (well, it's not formal "mediating" because I'm thinking about stuff, it it's close enough), which I hope will help me sort some things out that are going on in my life.

I've started doing one more thing too... but, I think I'll write a separate blog for some some time. It's really changed my life (if you read my twitter, you'd remember when I said that) -- not in a religious way or anything, just general improvement, you know.

*Sigh* But I suppose I should get back to my homework again.

Love and Peace, all.

-Lee Rumler